She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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