i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize