I bet he comes in French.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
