were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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