I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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