I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
