I cannot find my penis.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
