if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize