just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize