Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
