just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
