how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
