i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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