Michael Bay diarrhea
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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