He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
