i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
