Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Green mimosas i think yes
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
