I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize