fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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