I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize