just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
