You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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