Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
