We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm both gender and math confused
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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