guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize