either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
