So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize