I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
