guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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