Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
