i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
