I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
