Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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