Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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