I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
