i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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