Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
