My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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