period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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