TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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