Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
