Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize