Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
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