I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
