thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's shark week go big or go home
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
