Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
