I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
smell my finger.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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