i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
