He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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