Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize