I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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