turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
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