It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
