You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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