That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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