dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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