I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
