just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
