saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
