No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
